I took a few days off because it was the weekend and I had to do some
running around. I didn’t get to re-vamp my blog design but I will get to it
eventually.
This weekend was quite relaxing and the weather was beautiful. I really enjoy
being outdoors because I lose track of time. To my surprise I walked a 5k in an
hour which was awesome. More so than getting my walk in, I got a chance to
think about a lot of things.
One of the things I asked myself was how I got to the state that I am in?
Alhamdulillah (Praise and thanks to Allah) I have achieved quite a bit in my
life (school, marriage, work, friends, career, etc.) but throughout achieving
all those things I have always struggled with two things. A recurring thing for
me is my struggle with weight and spirituality. And in contemplating on this I
realize that they both go hand in hand, for me at least. They fit like hand in
glove.
When tragic or unfortunate things happen in our lives, it can truly shake
our faith. For some it causes them to question their faith, some lose their
faith, some just aren’t able to grasp anything at all and down spiral until
they have fallen flat on their faces. There is a quote that a friend of mine
used to say, when you fall to your knees that is the best position to pray. (The
quote is not verbatim). That is a profound quote because I have done the
falling flat on face thing one too many times. LOL
For myself, I had fallen into the not grasping anything at all category. (No
judgment) I am being honest here. And I down spiraled spiritually and along
with it went my wellness. I was too overwhelmed to understand how I was coping
and I went into a baking frenzy. LOL. I was off from work for a bit and watched
too much Paula Deen and we all know she cooks with a ton of butter, sugar, and
bacon. Luckily, I don’t eat bacon but the butter and sugar were enough to pack
on the pounds. That’s kind of where it all started. The weight gain at least.
With weight gain comes lethargy and laziness. That depression isht is NO JOKE!
And for a person like myself who was happy and bubbly by nature, I fell into a
place that I had never known before. I had to keep up the façade when I spent
time with family and friends because people didn’t know me any other way. So I
limited the time I spent with them because that faking business takes a lot of
energy. It was a dark sucky place. Thank Allah I am no longer there and pray
for God to never allow me to get back there.
Eventually I had to make a conscious decision to get better so I sought help
and became proactive.
It took me a while
though and it is a constant work in progress because it is easy to start bad
habits and soooooooo hard to break them. I had to accept who I was and really
embrace all the hard work that it would take to transform into the person I
need to be.
Any method of coping without the element of God consciousness is a set up
for defeat. God consciousness is so crucial. When we forget that the whole
reason for our existence is to please HIM and that nothing that we are
struggling with is absent of HIS infinite wisdom, it really makes things
bearable. In the Quran, there is a passage that says:
“With Him are the keys of the unseen,
the treasures that none knows but He. He knows whatever there is on the earth
and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but with His knowledge: there is not a grain
in the darkness (or depths) of the earth, nor anything fresh or dry (green or
withered), but is (inscribed) in a record clear (to those who can read).” –
Quran 6:59
Doesn’t
that make your heart melt? Allah knows me, you, and us. God knows you and your
struggles. When I have gone through tough moments or bad days when I have felt
hopeless, it is because I have forgotten this mere fact. That’s why it is
important to always read the words of Allah because he reminds us to chill
because he has our back! (In simpler terms.lol.)
So this
is another part of my journey….. to strengthen my relationship with my
Lord. That is such a big part of who I
am and having experienced the sweetness of faith at certain time periods of my
life I KNOW I am not on my “A” game. Quite honestly my spirituality has been neglected
because I have become distracted, complacent, and downright lazy. I have no
legitimate excuse. No, I am not being hard on myself or negative but I am being real
with myself and you. I am not on the
high horse of religiosity and I would be the last person to claim that I am a
good little Muslim girl because I am a certified human being and that comes
with flaws.
Although this has already been long-winded, in
a nutshell I firmly believe that if my spirit is right, it will in turn feed my
soul, I will become better in decision making, and in turn develop overall better wellness. This is my
theory and maybe through this process I will prove it to be fact.
Who
knows maybe this might be very interesting to document for a PhD research
topic? Then again…..naaah. I think I am done with the school thing. LOL.
